You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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