Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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