Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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