do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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