first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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