Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
