Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize