Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
