have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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