Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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