The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
