my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
