there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
