yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
