You can't special order awesome
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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