My Higher Power is John Stamos
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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