Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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