Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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