True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
