3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
