I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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