I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
