"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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