New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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