you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
