i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
