Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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