hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
