he puts the penis in happiness.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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