Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize