Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
