the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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