dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
