I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize