dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
