and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
