Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
