I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
