Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She told me I should be a condom model.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I think i got beer on your cat.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
