If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize