I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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