Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize