i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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