dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
