I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
BRING THE BAGELS
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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