sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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