Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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