My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
