Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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