I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
