I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Randomize
