I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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