what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
