You really coming over, don't trick.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
