so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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