All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
How does one acquire holy water?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
