i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
