Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
