erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
