the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
