I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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