sorry about calling you the devil all night.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
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