Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My vagina just recognized that song.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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