I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
