whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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