I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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