so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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