He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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