yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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