mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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