I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
