FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
