in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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