Jerry, you need to find god
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
