If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
