i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
