just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
