if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
