I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
where am i from again
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
