i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Why are your pants in the freezer?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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