i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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