Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
