He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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