ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
