we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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