I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Nobody cheats on THIS.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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