it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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