every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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