You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize