Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
