wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
