Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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