so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
