he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
