If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
