somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
