i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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