So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
