I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
