I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
