just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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