"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
