You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
