If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
