i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
