I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
