today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize