We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
