i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize