First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
