how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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