I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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