Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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